Do you want to be my date for the movie? Cool- I love you too. But just know what you are signing up for in advance! Here are 10 rules of watching Avengers: Endgame with a fangirl like me told with the help of Captain America GIFs.
Guys… GUYSSSSS… Marvel’s Avengers: Endgame is hitting the big screen in a few short weeks.
That’s right: it all comes down to this last movie in the Infinity storyline and I am not sure we will ever be “ready” for it. But that being said, I am ready to just do it.
But first… a few things we need to cover before we walk through the theater doors. You might not realize how high-maintenance a fangirl can be, but I’m here just to set that record straight.
And my favorite Avenger is going to help keep us in line. Captain America GIFs are always the answer!
Rules For Watching Avengers: Endgame
Tips. Suggestions. Rules.
Because I’m serious, y’all: this movie is THE movie of 2019 for me and I need you to get on my level.
Whatever it takes!
Here are your 10 rules to watching Avengers: Endgame with a fangirl like me. Feel free to let me know in comments what rules YOU would add on!
1. We Will Go To Avengers: Endgame On Opening Night.
There are no carpools, practices, doctor’s appointments, anniversary dinners, wedding, birthdays, surgeries or other such nonsense going on that will matter.
If you’re dead, walk it off. And be at the theater on April 25th.
2. We Will Arrive Early To Endgame- At Least 20-Minutes Early.
I will not tolerate tardiness in you and I will judge tardiness in others- so be on time and be ready to go.
Move it, Move it, Move it!
3. Snacks Are Permitted But NO DRINKS At Avengers: Endgame.
Friend, this movie is 3 hours and 2 minutes long and my bladder is small and old.
We can’t risk it, so we hold it.
And yes, I realize this is probably more for me than you. But- solidarity. I can’t drink so neither can you.
Whatever it takes.
4. If You Don’t Know Who Someone Is? Don’t Ask During The Movie.
Because I’ve warned you and even provided a list of Marvel movies to watch before Endgame.
Hold your questions for after the last credit end scene (see below).
5. We Will Talk About This -ish AFTER The Movie Is Over.
Not when there’s a lull in the action.
Not when you think, “Oh, it’s just Vision- we can talk over his dialogue!”
Nope. Save it. Or risk me (and probably the entire movie theater) going Cap Trapped In An Elevator on you.
6. I Might Need You To Be Prepared To Be, Ah, Bruised A Little.
Just a little, I promise.
Look- I’m not a violent person, but I do get a little excited during these movies.
I have a history of grabbing the closest thing possible when Thor, Cap or Loki were on screen. And squeezing really hard.
Which happened to be my friend Renee’s arm. Ahem.
Sorry, Renee. That D23 Expo wouldn’t have been the same without you, friend!
7. When it’s over, we don’t move.
When the first end credit scene is over, we still don’t move.
When the lights start coming up, we STILL DON’T MOVE.
Because this is Marvel and you never, ever, EVER leave until the movie theater workers are sweeping up the popcorn at your feet.
Then it’s probably ok to walk out- but keep an eye on the screen just in case.
8. It’s Probably NOT Going To Be OK, So Please Don’t Pretend It Is.
I’m gonna need some time to grieve, process, and work through my stages of grief.
And no, I don’t want to hear that this is “just a movie” and that I shouldn’t “take it so seriously.”
DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME?
9. Avengers: Endgame Memes Might Help Me Feel Better.
The Internet: So helpful.
The creatives on Redditt and Twitter always come through for me in my darkest hours.
So I’ll accept those via text, DM, or any social media vehicle of your choice.
You do know how much I love a good meme! Check out the Avenge the Fallen Memes here if you haven’t seen those just yet.
10. Whatever It Takes- Don’t Spoil This Movie For Others!
You know how much I personally LOVE spoilers. I’m that girl digging around on Twitter and YouTube looking for things to “spoil” the plot points for me.
But I’m weird. You know this, I know this.
Please take care when we go see this movie that we don’t discuss anything that someone who hasn’t seen it yet might consider a spoiler.
Let’s keep our peace when in the bathroom, when walking to the car, or when stopping off to get something to eat afterward.
Because spoiling a movie of this magnitude by revealing some crazy twist that no one saw coming is pretty much the WORST fangirl behavior out there.
Let’s be better than that. Hold all commentary until we’re in a safe space: then… WHOA. We’re gonna have a lot to unpack!
And that’s the 10 commandments of watching Avengers: Endgame with a fangirl like me. Got anything to add? Throw them in the comments!
Patty Holliday is a movie critic, writer, and podcaster living in the Washington, DC area. Her goal is to bridge the gap between casual fandom and picky critic with parent movie and television reviews.